09h00 - Bowl of oats
11h30 - Banana
12h30 - Egg mayo on whole wheat bread
14h30 - About 4 tbsp fruit salad
15h30 - 30 g cereal bar
17h00 - 2 small biscuits of about 18 calories each
18h00 - Chicken breast, cauliflower, 4 slices of sweet potato
19h00 - Two biscuits of about 30 calories each
I know the biscuits were a no-no but I was so HUNGRY that I just scoffed them. You guys, what am I doing wrong that I am so constantly hungry?
Dave Eggers, The Circle
Basically, for the past three months I have been constantly hungry. As a result I have gained 3kg.
Today I ate:
- All Bran Flakes - 7:30AM
- A 60g cereal bar - 10:30AM
- 3 x sugar coated fruit sticks (about 3” long) - 11:30AM
- A hot dog on a whole wheat bun - 12:30PM
- About 2 handfuls of “chocolate oat pillows” (it’s a breakfast cereal that I like to snack on) - 3:00PM
- A small apple - 5:00PM
- Beef and about 3 tbsp rice with some peas - 6:30PM
Now - am I eating way too much? I feel like I am literally constantly munching on something. It’s not like I just get bored and decide to eat. I ONLY eat when my stomach is rumbling and I feel really hungry. Why is this happening? What can I do to sort this out? I’m basically eating 2 lunches every day. Come oooooon.
I seem to have become depressed, burnt out and overly stressed. This morning I walked into the office (on my 2nd ever day of full time employment) and proceeded to have a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe and I was shaking a lot. I ended up fumbling to open the balcony door and then found myself sitting on the balcony floor in tears and gasping for air while the receptionist ran around trying to get me an asthma pump (I don’t have asthma, but I damn well couldn’t breathe).
Anyway, moments later my boss was standing over this pathetic little girl on the floor, very concerned. I felt so embarassed. It was most undignified and does not make a good impression of me.
Ended up at the doctor after work, who has prescribed me calming meds and also an antidepressant. I do not plan to take the antidepressant unless this doesn’t go away - but I have a feeling that in a week or two I will be fine again.
Sigh. My life right now is not at all what I hoped it would be. I am working two jobs and still not earning enough to buy a new car. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted, and as we have already established, I am depressed. All I seem to have done this week is cry. And when I’m not crying, I’m at work trying to look put-together and doing my best not to cry.
I’m a mess :( But I am working on it.